a love not forgotten
by shel
Summary: phoebe's daughter discovers pictures of her mother in the book of shadows...oneshot


**CHARMED **

**"A Love Not Forgotten"**

by shel

© may 2006

_disclaimer: the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too…_

_rating: pg-13_

_summary: phoebe's daughter discovers pictures of her mother in the book of shadows …_

_timeline: nearly eight years after the charmed ones defeated the ultimate power in the series' two-part finale…_

_archive: please don't without expressed permission…_

_notes: please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…_

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"Mommy?" 

"Yes, my ladybug?" Phoebe answered distractedly as she added some more powdered ingredients to the potion she was carefully stirring. But she did glance at her daughter and smiled at the way Amanda was so immersed in the Book of Shadows. Both her girls loved magic but this one, this little imp, couldn't absorb the information fast enough and was always drawn to the attic and the Book whenever they visited Piper.

"If you vanquished all these demons, why do we still need them in the Book?"

Phoebe looked back at her four-year-old daughter, "Because not all those demons are one-of-a-kind. There are others just like them and we need to remember everything we can so we'll know how to vanquish them if they come back."

"But demons don't always attack anymore."

"They still do, sweetie," Phoebe replied as she checked the color of her potion. "It's not as bad as it was before you were born but they're still dangerous."

"Wyatt says demons attacked every week."

"Sometimes twice a week…" But Phoebe banished bad memories and smiled back, "There's nothing to worry about, Mandy. This potion isn't for vanquishing a demon; it's for helping one of Auntie Paige's charges."

"I'm not worried, Mommy."

Phoebe couldn't help but chuckle at her daughter's earnestness regarding demons. More so than her older sister, Mandy was all about the magic and was always unhappy when left on the sidelines. "Wanna help me with it anyway?"

She staggered back when her daughter came barreling at her. "You're gonna be some witch, ladybug," she whispered proudly as she brushed back her daughter's long brown hair. Mandy couldn't wait to join her older cousins in the fight against evil and Phoebe couldn't help but wonder if that's what she might've been like if she'd had her powers as a little girl. With a guiding hand, she let her daughter stir the potion and add the last of the ingredients. Phoebe slowly removed her hand and fixed her ponytail as she supervised, wistfully realizing that both her girls were growing up so fast, too fast. Just the other day, Carissa asked Billie to help her with some make-up. And Carissa's only six.

Where had all the time gone? It seemed like only yesterday that she had married Coop and trusted in their love enough to put off having that baby she'd longed for. She'd fallen in love with him during such a dangerous time, had even died before Piper set it right, and she'd simply wanted to enjoy the peace with her new husband first. And she'd had no clue how tight their bond would grow during those initial years.

"Is this right, Mommy?"

"You're doing great, Mandy," Phoebe sighed as she unconsciously played with her daughter's hair. Her baby was making potions which meant Mandy wasn't a baby anymore, just as the little girl was always proclaiming. The kids were all growing up so fast and there was nothing she could do to keep them young and innocent. How she loved that stage of their lives. Maybe, she mused with a slight smile, it was time for another baby in the family. And her smile only grew as she mischievously planned how she and Coop might remedy that situation.

"You're thinking of Daddy again."

Phoebe glanced down at her daughter's inquisitive expression and tapped her daughter's nose, "No testing your powers on me, ladybug. You know the rules."

"I'm not, Mommy, honest," Amanda replied as she returned to her stirring, "but I know you're feeling that…that…"

"What, sweetie?"

The little girl shrugged, "It's like warm and sunny…makes me feel very happy inside…"

"Well your daddy makes me feel warm and sunny and very, very happy inside," Phoebe replied as she bent and kissed the top of her daughter's head. "And now I think we're done with this potion," she added as she took the spoon from her daughter and set it aside. "How 'bout running downstairs and seeing if Aunt Piper has any more of those chocolate chip cookies left?"

"You love Daddy a lot, don't you?"

Phoebe didn't need her empathy to sense her daughter's sudden fear. She quickly knelt next to Amanda, held her daughter's hands, and lightly swung them, "What is it, my ladybug? What's wrong?"

In a small voice, she revealed, "I didn't mean to but they were in the Book."

"What was in the Book?"

"Pictures."

"Of what, sweetie?"

"Of you kissing. But it wasn't, it wasn't Daddy."

Immediately, Phoebe knew which pictures her daughter had discovered. She brushed aside some wisps of hair from Mandy's eyes and tried to smile, "No, it wasn't."

"But why? Don't you love Daddy?"

As the tears fell, Phoebe hugged her daughter, managed to awkwardly lift the little girl, and carry Amanda to the sofa where she sat with Mandy in her lap. She let her daughter cry as she soothed the little girl with kisses and words of comfort. When she calmed, Phoebe kissed her once more and assured Amanda, "I love your daddy sooooo much and you know I do because you can feel it. Right?" She waited for the inevitable nod before she added, "That man, the one in the pictures, he was someone I knew before I met Daddy."

"But he was a demon," Amanda sniffled, "Beltha…Beltha…"

"Belthazor," Phoebe nodded. Reaching over to the Book, she flipped the pages until she reached his. Nudging her daughter to look, she pointed to the photo, "But that's what he looked like in his human form. His name was Cole, Cole Turner."

"He looks like Daddy," Amanda remarked with another sniffle.

"I…I suppose he does." Her daughter's perception startled her and she wasn't prepared to consider the similarities.

"Why were you kissing him?"

"Because I loved him," Phoebe quietly replied as she hugged her daughter a bit tighter.

"He made you feel warm and sunny?"

Lightly rubbing the picture, Phoebe gazed at his face and honestly replied, "Yes, sweetie, he did."

"But he was a demon."

Phoebe fingered the photo again and managed to whisper, "Not always."

Amanda suddenly sat up straight, "Why are you sad, Mommy?"

"Because," Phoebe paused a moment wondering what she should say, "because we loved each other and we couldn't be together."

"Why?"

But Phoebe didn't want to get into that chapter of her life with a four-year old. "It was a long time ago, sweetie, and I'm very happy with Daddy."

Amanda touched the picture, "Do you miss him?"

Phoebe could barely find her voice, "Sometimes…" Then, shaking her head free from bittersweet memories, she kissed her daughter and stood her up, "Go on downstairs for some cookies and tell Aunt Piper that the potion's ready."

Amanda turned to leave and her eyes lit up, "Daddy!"

Coop grinned and caught her as she raced to him, swinging her around, "How 'bout getting me a cookie, Cookie?"

"I'm not a cookie," Amanda giggled, "I'm a ladybug."

"Oh, that's right," he kissed her forehead, "you're my ladybug, my Cookie's sitting over there."

"You're so silly, Daddy," Amanda squirmed with giggles as her father tickled her.

Coop set his daughter back down on the floor and patted her bottom, "Go on, before Wyatt eats them all." He watched for a moment as she raced down the steps before turning to his wife who gazed back with an amused expression.

"I love you."

He smiled, shoved his hands into his pockets, and sauntered towards her, "I know and…I know that you know that I know." He tipped her chin up when she rolled her eyes, "So you don't have to hide it from me, Phoebe."

"I'm not hiding anything from you." She managed a quick kiss to his finger as he removed it and she caught his glance to the open Book. "Mandy found the pictures of me and Cole. I'm sorry, Coop, I don't know why I never took them out."

This time, Coop rolled his eyes, "How many times do I have to tell you not to apologize for loving someone. I'm a Cupid and I know there's nothing more important than love."

"It's not the same thing," she sighed. "Cole was…"

"The love of your life," Coop smiled as he knelt before his wife. With one hand resting on her knee and the other stroking her thigh, he insisted, "I know you love me, Phoebe, just as I know that what we have is meant to be. But that doesn't mean you can't still have a piece of your heart left only for Cole. It's not a betrayal and you don't have to feel guilty for how you feel."

She stared at him a moment, recognizing the sincerity of his words, the depth of his love, but she still frowned, "I hate it when you read me so easily like that."

He leaned forward and kissed her soundly on the lips, "No you don't. You love me even more."

Relenting, Phoebe wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him in return. "You're pretty special to me, y'know that?"

"But so is he," Coop commented as he slowly pulled away from her and stood. "Talk to him." She seemed taken aback and he smiled warmly, "It's time, Phoebe, you're ready."

"Mandy thought he looked like you," she admitted. "Do you ever wonder whether maybe…"

"Maybe you fell in love with me because I reminded you of him?"

She shrugged unhappily, "What if it's true? What if what I feel for you isn't real?"

"I don't believe that," he stated, "and neither do you."

"But --"

"Did Dex look like Cole?"

"I didn't love Dex," she argued. "What about Drake? I cared for him and he also looked a bit like Cole."

"What about Leslie," he countered and, before she could say a word, he quickly continued, "Fine, you didn't love him so what about Jason? You did love him. You might've even married him if things'd been different."

"I might've still been married to Cole if things'd been different."

Coop bent over her and kissed her chastely on her forehead, "You wrote the spell years ago, sweetheart. It's time to use it."

"Are you sure?"

"Call Cole," he nodded with a smile before he faded away, the tiny red heart after-image glowing momentarily in the air.

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"I remember that day as if it was yesterday."

Phoebe glanced up from the strip of photo booth pictures in her hand and her heart skipped several beats. "You thought it was a dumb idea. In fact, I recall how I practically had to twist your arm to get in the booth."

"Until I realized how small the booth was," he slowly grinned, "and how you'd have to sit on my lap the whole time."

"We did have fun," she murmured as she placed the strip back in the Book.

Cole watched her as she fell silent, her eyes focused on his page. "It's been a long time, Phoebe." She nodded but didn't turn to him so he asked, "Why call me now? You're happy, aren't you?"

"More than I thought I would ever be," she quietly replied as she slowly gazed up at him with tears stinging her eyes. She stood and approached him, "Coop's so good to me, for me. And I love our two little girls more than I thought I ever could for a child of mine."

"Then what's wrong?"

Phoebe pointed to the Book and shrugged, "Remembering is hard."

"Given what I've done, I'm surprised you're having a hard time remembering," he frowned.

"That's not what I meant," she said as she hesitantly reached up to caress his cheek. He closed his eyes and she lightly rubbed her fingers as he pressed his cheek closer, "I mean it's hard because of the way it ended, because I regret so many choices I made where you were concerned."

Cole opened his eyes and covered her hand with his before bringing her fingers to his lips for a kiss, "And yet everything happens for a reason. You found love, Phoebe, with a Cupid no less."

"You've been watching me?"

"Now and then," he cryptically replied.

She shrugged helplessly, "It's just not fair that you're in limbo and can't find peace."

"That's not exactly true," he corrected as he led her back to the sofa and sat down facing her. "I have one goal and there's no conflict pulling me away from that goal. I help lost souls, Phoebe, and that's something I can be proud of."

She nodded in agreement, "But that's not all you can be proud of, Cole. You did a lot of good while we were together."

"It was barely two years once I changed sides and it doesn't quite make up for over a century of evil, Phoebe," he commented with a sad smile. "But," he quickly added, pressing an index finger to her lips, "I've accepted my fate and I'm not looking for a way out."

She averted her eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't call you when Piper finally told me where you were."

"I wondered how you knew to call me," he admitted.

"Six years ago," she revealed, "the night Carissa was born. We'd been attacked and it was bad. Piper, she was afraid I wouldn't, that the baby and I wouldn't, make it and she confessed the secret she'd been keeping from me for so long. But then I went into labor early and with the baby, I just, I couldn't handle her secret so I pushed it down and it was a while before I could start working on the spell to call you."

"Six years?" he reminded her before shaking his head apologetically, "I do understand. I do. The fear."

"That maybe talking to you would be worse than I imagined," she murmured.

"It's why I almost didn't answer your call."

"I thought the spell didn't work," she told him with surprise.

Cole fingered a loose tendril from Phoebe's ponytail, "I have enough power to resist some calls."

"But you didn't…"

"I guess in the end, I realized that I needed to hear what you had to say more than I feared what I would hear."

She averted her eyes again. "I'm not sure what I wanted to say," she confessed with a sigh. "Amanda found the pictures of you in the Book of Shadows and wondered why I kept them if her daddy wasn't the one I was kissing."

"And what did you tell her?"

"The truth," she shrugged before slowly meeting his gaze, "that I was kissing the man I loved." She gingerly reached for his cheek and emphasized, "And I did love you, Cole. I loved you with all that I was."

"I know," he told her as he caressed her cheek in return, "just as you know I felt the same for you."

She turned her head slightly and kissed the edge of his palm, "I think that's why I called. Mandy asked if I still missed you and I said, 'Sometimes.' Because there are times when I think of us and what we had and I miss it."

"That's not a crime."

"But if I start thinking about it and I start missing it, then…"

"Let it out, Phoebe," he encouraged when she shook her head and fell silent. She tried to move from the sofa but he held her back, "Acknowledge the truth and accept it."

"Coop called you the love of my life…"

"I don't know about that, Phoebe, but he is the Cupid so maybe he knows what he's talking about."

She chuckled against her will and shook her head, "But for all the good, there was so much evil, Cole. There was so much that went wrong. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Cole caught her in his arms as she hunched over and he held her as she cried. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I couldn't fight my nature better. I'm sorry I didn't give us a chance."

"You did," she mumbled into his chest. "You tried so hard."

"So did you," he consoled. "I never doubted your love, Phoebe."

"We hurt each other," she nuzzled him. "We weren't meant to be and that makes me so sad."

"Me too," he quietly agreed with a kiss to the top of her head.

"I love my husband and my children but, God forgive me, there's a part of me that wishes it could've been different."

Cole smiled and continued to stroke her back, "Look around, Phoebe, the Elders didn't strike you down. Coop hasn't shown up demanding twelve paces at dawn."

"It's not funny," she sniffled with a light slap to his chest before she pulled back.

But he didn't let her get too far before he yanked her back against him, and pressed his lips to hers. "It's not wrong," he hoarsely whispered when they broke for air and their foreheads touched. He tipped her chin up again and kissed her once more. "It's not wrong to love. There's nothing more important than love and it should be treasured whenever it's found."

Phoebe rubbed her thumb against his lips before lightly kissing him again. "Are you sure you're not a Cupid because that sounds an awful lot like --"

"You," he interrupted with another nip to her lips. "It sounds like you, Phoebe, because you're the one who taught me about love. You're all about love and it has little to do with being married to a Cupid. He's just the one who unlocked your heart."

"You're the one who did that," she corrected and reached for one of his hands to squeeze.

"Maybe," he considered as he recalled what he'd learned about her back when he'd been assigned to research her inside-out, "but if it hadn't been for Coop, you wouldn't have found it again." He pressed a free finger to her lips again, "You know it's true. Besides, you're the Charmed One who was meant to be an empath. Emotions, love, that's what makes you so special, Phoebe. And wasn't it your idea to give your daughters names that refer to love?"

"You have been watching me," she teased in accusation.

"You and Coop belong together," he added with confidence.

She shook her head in amazement, "You're really happy for me."

"And that's why I can accept my fate," he smiled warmly. "And that's why you can have your happy life with Coop. You're meant to be."

"Once upon a time," she kissed him tenderly, "so were we."

"Once upon a time," he agreed before he kissed her once more and then stood. "I will always love you, Phoebe Halliwell."

"And I will always love you, Cole Turner." She blew him a kiss and smiled for him as he faded from the room.

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"You okay?"

Phoebe glanced up from the Book and found her husband leaning in the doorway, munching on one of the two cookies he held in his hands. "You were right," she nodded, "I needed to talk to him."

"And?" he prompted as he approached her.

"And I shouldn't've been afraid for so long," she answered, "because it was good. It was good we saw each other."

"You needed to be ready," Coop commented as he sat next to her, "you both needed to be ready."

She reached over and traced the contour of his chin, "Thank you."

His hands full, he extended one leg on the sofa, invited her into his arms, and wrapped them around her as she scooted back against him. "I told Mandy and Rissa they could spend the night," he told her as he munched on the cookie again.

She shifted slightly to glance back at him in surprise, "You did?"

"I thought you might need some quiet time after talking to Cole."

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" she questioned before nibbling on his other cookie.

"Hey," he tugged his cookie back, "I may be willing to share your heart but I don't share my cookies."

"Why you…" Phoebe couldn't think of anything to say so, instead, she resorted to tickle torture.

A few moments and the pair fell into a heap of tangled limbs on the floor. And, as Coop laughingly transported them from the attic to their bedroom, Phoebe's child-like voice echoed, "Honey, have you noticed how fast our girls are growing up?"

_**The End**_


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